Short on time? Fancy a skim? Scroll down (up?) until you reach the TLDR banner for the highlights. Reminder, this post is spoiler-free. TW: This book explores themes of grief, assisted suicide, and death.
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There’s a certain kind of grief that doesn’t come from losing a person, but from losing a time—a version of yourself, a closeness you once had, a life you thought you were building. THE WILDERNESS by Angela Flournoy follows five Black women over twenty years, tracing how adulthood rearranges us: through marriage, motherhood, ambition, longing, and the complicated math of friendship. It’s not flashy, and it doesn’t need to be. It’s the kind of novel that reads like a mirror—quietly, insistently asking: Who have you become? What did you leave behind? And who still knows the truth of you?
“Hard to take a step forward when anything could be lurking in the future.”
There’s a particular kind of loneliness that shows up in adulthood—not because you don’t have people, but because the older you get, the more you realize that being “known” is actually rare. THE WILDERNESS reminded me of that. That most of us spend our twenties building a cast of characters: friends who feel like home, who see you in motion, social acquaintances you mislabel as friends, those who know who you were before life taught you to be careful, who see you before you invested in therapy, those who are meeting you in passing…a temporary version of you. And then, quietly, the wilderness begins.
Time turns friendships into something else. Distance. Schedules. Marriage. Divorce. Kids. Jobs that drain you. Parents aging. The slow reduction of yourself into roles you didn’t exactly audition for: the responsible one, the single one, the mom one, the successful one, the one who moved away, the one who never quite figured it out.
And here’s the part I didn’t expect the book to make me feel:
Friendship isn’t just about who you love. It’s about who you become in the presence of someone else.
Some friends don’t just witness you—they shape you. They hold the early versions of you like artifacts. And later, when you’re older, theoretically wiser, and definitely more tired with inexplicable back and knee pain and a reliance on TUMS, you realize you can miss a person and also miss who you were when you were loved by them.
THE WILDERNESS also reminded me that aging isn’t a tragedy, it’s just confrontational.
Because aging doesn’t only take things away. It also reveals things. Like:
Who stayed close because they love you
Who stayed close because you were convenient
Who only loves the version of you that performs “fine”
Who can handle your evolving self, versus who gets angry when you stop being predictable
There’s so much cultural attention on romantic relationships—breakups, soulmates, commitment, betrayal—that we forget the other heartbreaks that shape us: the friendships that soften, stall, rupture, or turn into something more distant than we ever imagined.
And yet…I didn’t finish this book feeling cynical. I finished it feeling clear. I finished it feeling seen.
Because friendship isn’t supposed to be perfect. It’s supposed to be real. And sometimes the most loving thing we can do is accept that:
Some friendships are for a season
Some are for the long haul
Some survive only if we allow them to change shape
And some deserve a soft (or hard) goodbye, even if no one did anything “wrong”
And if you’re currently in a season where you feel like you’re wandering—unrecognizable to your younger self, uncertain of your future self—this book offers something I think we all secretly need:
A reminder that becoming is messy.
That we’re allowed to grow out of old skins.
And that adulthood isn’t a destination—it’s a wilderness.
One you don’t conquer. One you learn how to live inside.
(And yes: you should text the friend you keep thinking (positively, not toxically) about. The worst-case scenario is that they don’t answer. The best case scenario is you find each other again.)
What I appreciate about THE WILDERNESS is that it tells the hard truths about adulthood in a way many books don’t, centering the experience of Black women in America. Sure, it portrays big betrayals, big love, and dramatic turning points, but it also portrays something that can be quietly painful: slow change. That ache of waking up one day and realizing you’re not who you thought you’d be, and you’re not sure what comes next.
It treats female friendship as a primary relationship, not a filler between romantic pursuits. Likewise, it’s emotionally rich without being sensationalizing or melodramatic. It’s as relatable as it is beautifully written (The prose! The pacing! Masterful.)
This is a book to read slowly—not because it’s hard, but because it’s layered. It traces five Black women across two decades as they move from early-20s possibility, into midlife consequence: careers, motherhood, love, ambition, disappointment, longing, resilience. It’s about the way friendship holds and fails and holds again—and how adulthood itself can feel like a wilderness you don’t really “get through,” you just learn to walk inside.
If you’re a:
Reader who feels a little haunted by their 20s
A woman who has experienced friendship shifts (and didn’t know how to grieve them)
Are in your “midlife pivot” era
Love layered Black women-centered literary fiction
This book is for you.
Still not convinced?
If you love…
Female friendship stories that feel real—not overly sentimental, not stylized for TV, but lived-in
Books that explore identity over time, not just a single “moment” or event
Stories that are less about external action and more about interior evolution
Ensemble casts where each woman feels distinct and psychologically believable
Fiction that touches on class, race, motherhood, work, marriage, and ambition without reducing any of them to “a lesson”
Friend, this book is for you.
Know someone who’d love this book? Share this post with them.
And tell me in the comments:
What book best captures friendship for you?
I’ll use your recs to build a future book list!
4-week reading schedule
Week 1: 1-77
Week 2: 78-141
Week 3: 142-225
Week 4: 226-290 (end)
Elevating the literary vibes with a little drink and snack pairing.
An uplift
“Wilderness Spritz” (low ABV)
Blood orange soda (or Aperol, I’m just not a fan of it) + prosecco + sparkling water
Optional: orange slice + rosemary sprig.
Why this works: bittersweet + bright = adulthood.
A pastry
Choose your adventure:
Warm cinnamon roll/coffee cake
Olives + toasted almonds
Dark chocolate + sea salt
Here’s a literary ritual to try based on my experience with the book.
Journal Prompts
Friendship & Identity
Who are the friends who saw the first version of you? Who sees you now?
Where have you outgrown a dynamic—but stayed out of loyalty?
What’s the difference between a friendship that nurtures you and one that maintains you?
Adulthood & Becoming
What do you keep planning for—because you think it will make you safe?
What parts of your life are you still living “like you’re 25,” even if you’re not?
Write 5 sentences beginning with:
I forgive myself for…
I’m still grieving…
I’m proud of…
If you’re in the wilderness too—good. That means you’re alive. Now go text a friend you love and then, obviously, just read the f*cking book.
For additional recommendations, you can find these books in my virtual bookstore*
Read
The Wilderness (Angela Flournoy)
Chosen Family (Madeleine Gray)
The Wedding People (Alison Espach, read my write-up here)
All Fours (Miranda July)
Come and Get It (Kiley Reid)
Good Material (Dolly Alderton)
This Could Be Us (Kennedy Ryan)
Yellowface (R.F. Kuang)
Weyward (Emilia Hart)
Watch
TV
Harlem (Amazon Prime)
Survival of the Thickest (Netflix)
Rap Sh!t (HBO)
Reasonable Doubt (Hulu)
Abbott Elementary (Hulu)
Film
Babes (2024)
Past Lives (2023)
Bottoms (2023)
The Persian Version (2023)
Wicked: For Good (2025)
THE WILDERNESS is a novel about five Black women friends navigating the long arc of adulthood—from early-20s hope and confusion into midlife reality. Over two decades, their lives spread into different directions: careers, marriages, motherhood, ambition, disappointment, and reinvention. The story captures what happens when friendship is not just companionship, but a witness to the versions of ourselves we outgrow.
THE WILDERNESS is deeply human and quietly devastating: less about plot twists, more about the emotional truth of time passing—how we change, what we carry, and what we still want when we’re no longer young enough to pretend we don’t know better.
If you like messy friendship realism, this is for you
If you like ensemble adult women's fiction stories, this is for you
If you like books that feel like looking at your own life through glass, this is for you
Author interview
And just like that, we’ve reached the end.
Until next time,
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If you need to be budget-conscious right now, I get it, friend (me too). Show your support and head to your local library.
